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Friday, August 06, 2004
I, Crapbot
While we're on the topic of robots and RobotJohnnies and sci-fi and stuff, I went and saw the I, Robot movie with the Fresh Prince of Bel Air in it. On a scale of the evolutionary chain with an amoeba being utter garbage and an elephant being really good, I, Robot is ....
A FISH
It's one of those movies that's sort of entertaining when you're in the theatre, but afterwards, when you really think about it your reaction tends to be, "Hey, that was completely idiotic!"
***SPOILERS FOLLOW***
Christian Toto from the Washington Times had this to say about the flick:
All a great summer movie needs is a little action, some big-time special effects and a story that doesn't insult our popcorn-addled brains. Oh, and it helps if you've got Will Smith as your hero."I, Robot" has all of the above, in helpings rarely seen during the sweltering summer months.
Christian Toto is an moron. On a scale of home appliances, with a coffee maker being really dumb and a refridgerator being really smart, I, Robot is one of those hand-mixer things.
So there's Wil Smith, right? And he lives in the future, right? And there are robots everywhere, right? And we're expected to believe that a) human society has not been fundamentally altered by having a gazillion robot slaves, and 2) because a robot made a bad decision and saved his life, Wil Smith's character hates all robots. He's an anti-robot bigot.
Not only is that a hard sell, the entire plot hinges on Smith being a robot bigot. And it just doesn't sell because it's Wil Smith! The Fresh Prince! The Man in Black! How could he hate anybody, let alone a dopey robot?
Top five potential robot-haters:
1. Nick Nolte
2. William Hurt
3. Susan Sarandon
4. Farah Fawcett (she's been hurt so much before)
5. Harrison Ford
Top five potential robot lovers:
1. Wil Smith
2. Billy Mumy
3. John DiMaggio
4. Anthony Daniels
5. Kurt Russel
See?
Anyhow, the plot limps along until just after the big car chase when the Smith character, after being attacked by a gazillion robots, is able to smash his fist through sheet metal or concrete or some really sturdy substance. At that point, I woke up and thought, holy crap! He's a robot! I didn't see that coming, where are they going to go with this?
But he's not a robot, he just has a Steve Austin arm and the opportunity for the plot to take an interesting turn dies on the table.
The movie has a beginning, middle and an end that's not very good. If you want to be entertained, don't go see I, Robot. Instead, read this review of the movie written by an illiterate!
That's entertainment!
1:09 AM
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