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Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Sci-fi is in 'da Blog!

James Bow has a good post on television plots both big and small in sci-fi tv and contemporary tv in general. However, why he loves DS9 so much is beyond me.

A friend used to like to tell this joke:

Q: Who would win if Odo and Quarker got in a fight?
A: They become friends.

Christie noted that Scalzi was looking for opinions to help him create a list of the 50 most significant SF flicks . Nobody mentioned 'Disclosure' starring Demi Moore and Michael Douglas. Funny, that.

But they did recommend a whole lot of crud* which inspired me to create a list of 10 Really Lame SF flicks taken from the recommended films. These aren't bad flicks, because bad can be good, these are flicks that are just sad, sorry excuses of celluloid:

DARK CITY
Liam Neeson is such a good actor, why does he do so many crappy films ... oh, wait, that was Darkman! Dark City is an extended Kids in the Hall skit starring Keifer Sutherland in the Bruce McCullough role. Notable only as an example of the whole not becoming the sum of its parts.

SOMEWHERE IN TIME
Christopher Reeve's got it going on until some old hag walks up to him and shouts, "Come back to me." Reeve's character then goes on to figure out a fuzzy, never-fully-disclosed method of travelling back in time using hypnosis or some such nonsense and he gets to make out with Jane Seymour. Not so much sci-fi as smarmy-pie. Notable only for not being Live & Let Die.

E.T.
Want to know how to spot someone with bad taste in movies? If they say that E.T. was the best movie ever made -- and there are a lot of people who will tell you that -- you've found your mark. His heart lights up! And Neil Diamond sung a song about it! That's taking 'heart-warming' a little too far. Notable only as the only movie to fully capture the atmosphere of the year 1982 ... minus the 20-Minute Workout.

GATTACA
Gattaca?

MARS ATTACKS
Notable only as the movie that tried to be as bad as an Ed Wood movie and failed.

MINORITY REPORT
I rented this a couple of months ago and I'm still regretting it. Notable only for completely sucking ass.

SPACE BALLS
We once went on a road trip to Akron, Ohio where a friend picked up the maid at our hotel and she thought that Space Balls was the funniest movie ever made. I thought it only had one good joke and was notable only for being ten years too late.

WATERWORLD
I can't believe that someone would mention this soggy, discount Mad Max rip-off. Notable only for ending Kevin Costner's reign at the box office (and he didn't learn his lesson; he put the final nail in the coffin with The Postal Worker Man, another Mad Mel rip).

STRANGE DAYS
Might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but like Red Dawn, it doesn't hold up here in the future. Notable for making a whole lotta nothin' out of a whole lotta nothin'.

SCREAMERS
I know someone who was in this movie and I still thought it was crap! Notable only as a sad testament to Peter Weller's career decline.

* That's a lie. Coming up with the list was a little difficult because most of the suggestions are good ones.

I was going to include 5th Element on this list but there are so many people who really dig this one, I decided to leave it off out of respect to their warped sense of reality. But if there are any 5th Element fans out there, can you please explain what's to like, 'cause I thought this one was just a fruggin mess.

I bet you're all waiting for 5EVDS9, the 5th Element vs. DS9 movie ...

 

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