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Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Dry Your Eyes & Green Box Those Soggy Skies
I had this internet dating Instant Messenger incident a couple of weeks ago. I'd met a woman on the Lavalife and was chatting her up on the IM and another woman who I'd messaged came online and wanted to chat. I politely told her that I was "on the other line" and couldn't chat at the moment, and she wrote back:
Well, at least this is working for someone.
I thought, "Awww, that's sad." and deleted her from my contact list. I could have been chatting up anybody: my landlord, my mentor, the prime minister, my financial advisor, various celebrities ... I don't have time for the pity routine.
Eva & Maria's reaction to that last post reminded me of that:
That's why I gave up Lavalife and any other attempt at dating.
That's a good example of a bad attitude towards dating because they focus on the product, a relationship, and not the process, the dating. Dating is all about the process. Sure, it can increase your chances of getting some snoog but some people date and date and date and never click ... my long-term relationships never resulted from dating, I was simply open to the possibility of hooking up and life clocked my gourd.
And being open is the key. Let me tell you a story about a girl ... I won't tell you her real name, just that it rhymes with Venezuela .. no it doesn't, wait ... rhymes with Venezuelaeva. I bumped into her at a party and there was a guy who was interested in her and she blew him off. Was he an idiot? Was he a jerk? Who knows? She didn't even give him the opportunity to be an idiot or a jerk. She wasn't even open to the possibility that he might be an idiot.
If you focus on the end result and forget about the process, you completely lose out on the benefits of dating. Dating gives you a chance to take some test drives and figure out who you are and what you're looking for and gives you a chance to develop valuable skills you'll use later, on the job.
You can say that you're "giving up" on dating and blame dating for being messy, silly and risky. But are you giving up on dating ... or giving up on yourself?
[dramatic pause]
The IM woman situation thing illustrates another point:
Well, at least this is working for someone.
Don't assume that other people have it easier than you, 'cause they don't. Well, maybe they do, but so what? I don't. That should be good enough. They probably don't either. If dating isn't working for you, look at what you're doing wrong and fix it. Get advice from your friends ... most people have a deep urge to tell others how they're acting like idiots.
Eva and Maria (btw, her dog), you two should get back in the game and back on the ol' Lavalife. It's not as hopeless as all that, I'm practically the only single person I know -- most people are in relatively functional couples -- and if some of those lepers can snag a significant other, it should be easy for you two. So quit griping, get out there, really open up and make some trouble.
If anyone else needs a good smack, let me know. What about you, Chip? Are you and Pixie still together?
9:26 PM
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