|
About
happycreature[at]gmail[dot[com]
[ BLAMBLOG ]
Ed Locke's Grandpa
Happy Creature
Ms. Johnson
PIX
[ PILOTS! ]
Bill Doskoch
72hrchik
BlogTO
Dead Robot
estrojenn
Finn's Space
John Gushue
Rick Mercer
Rocketboom
Simple Splendor
Squiddity
Confessions of a Monkey
[ A-TEAM ]
AllThingsChristie & BWE
Circadian Shift
Daily Dose
Davezilla
Dooce
Jett Superior
Kitty Bukkake
Sugarmama
Tony Pierce
[ TORONTO ROCKS ]
Accordian Guy
Alan Hunt
Andrew Spicer
Angie McKaig
armchair garbageman
Bacon and Eh's
Bored Astronaut
Cellar Dweller
Chip Tijuana
Chromewaves
Clara*
Consolation Champs
Biker Chick
Dave Howard
Day in the Life
Digifox
Easternblog
freckle stof
Help!
Ice Queen
indigoblog
JBWarehouse
Liz Vang
Luminescent
Lunerose
Maria
Marmalade
moot point
Nug
Photojunkie
Pony
Pshaw
Radio Weisblogg
Raymi
Riri's Braindump
RobotJohnny
Rusty Robot
Sally McKay
Sarah Pengelly
Secret Storm
ShanghaiM
Ultrablog
United Bingdom
wainbows
Warren Kinsella
Zoilus
[ ALL IN THE FAMILY ]
Merv!
Dad!
Gillian
Kevin!
[ ORGANIZIZED ]
GTA Bloggers
TorontoComic Jam
[ BEACHCOMBERS ]
Good, Matthew
Good, Jennifer
Ian King
Jeff Merritt
[ GOTHAM CITY ]
Explanada
Lindsayism
My Blog is Poop
Yoon!
[ ST. ELSEWHERE ]
Blogebrity
blogumentary
Brett Lamb: Oz
Bunny McIntosh
Dust My Broom
elanamatic
Go Fug Yourself
Grrrl Meets World
James Bow
Little Lioness
SKSmith
Shelly
Skillzy
Tom Tomorrow
[ 6 O'CLOCK NEWS ]
boing boing
Cursor
Drawn!
Fark
Garlicster
Metafilter
Plastic
The Register
SciFi Daily
Sexblogs
Slashdot
Space.com
The Smoking Gun
Zeropaid
[ CARTOONS ]
Corrigan
Children
of the Atom
Fiona Smyth
Maakies
MacKay
MNFTIU.cc
Secret Lair
Smell of Steve
[ VARIETY HOUR ]
B3TA
Hoogerbrugge
Milk & Cookies
Mumbleboy
Onion
Rathergood
XE
[ RERUNS ]
[ 2005 ]
JANUARY
FEBRUARY
MARCH
APRIL
MAY
JUNE
JULY
AUGUST
[ 2004 ]
MAY
JUNE
JULY
AUGUST
SEPTEMBER
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
[ 2002 ]
[ 2003 ]
|
Thursday, October 21, 2004
KENNY ROGERS: Insertion +01:08:01
 Kenny Rogers. We were still inside Kenny Rogers.
When I woke up, I thought I was back home and was looking forward to taking a trip to the Duff for a hot cup of coffee. But there was no morning light coming through the window and no dog jumping on the bed. Instead, a grey cabin aboard an American military submarine located somewhere inside Kenny Rogers' foot.
After a shower and breakfast, I was taken to a state room where two miltary officers waited for me. Also in the room was a man in civilian clothes. I assumed he was CIA because he made the other two visibly uncomfortable. He wasn't paying attention to us, he was focused on his laptop.
COMMANDER TOM: We've been monitoring you and we know what you're planning to do. That mission is over.
ADMIRAL BLAMB: Over? It's not over until Kenny Rogers is off of my blog!
COMMANDER TOM: I don't think you understand. This is a war zone. There is fierce fighting going on in every part of Kenny Rogers' body. You won't get two miles in that tub. The enemy will cut you down!
BLAMB: War zone? Who are you fighting?
COMMANDER TOM: The Confederate Army.
BLAMB: THE CONFEDERATE ARMY?
COMMANDER TOM: That is correct, sir. In 1862, the Confederate Army found a dimensional doorway into this Kenny Rogers. They learned that if they could control the Kenny Rogers, they would master time and space and be able to change the course of history.
BLAMB: Change it to what?
COMMANDER TOM: They want to change events so that the Confederates win the US Civil War. We were sent here by President Jimmy Carter to stop them.
BLAMB: Well, at least they're not Nazis.
COMMANDER TOM: Bah! Nazis! We kicked their asses inside Roger Whittaker!
LT. JONES: When we found out about your group, we saw an opportunity. One of our operatives has gone renegade and we need him brought to justice.
BLAMB: Brought to justice?
LT. JONES: Our sources tell us that he and the officers who defected with him have a compound in an area close to the brain. Here's the deal: we'll help you get to Kenny Rogers' brain if you neutralize our problem.
COMMANDER TOM: His methods have become unsound. He's become a menace to the entire war effort. He's become a menace to history as we know it.
LT. JONES: This is a copy of his dossier. His codename is EAGLE. We will provide you with support and cover to get you up through the body, past the Confederates.
The spook looked up from his laptop.
CIA SPOOK: Terminate him. With extreme prejudice.
LT. JONES: We're going to provide you with an addition to your crew as well.
Jones knocked on the door and Jen walked in.
BLAMB: Hey, I didn't know you worked for the military.
JEN: It's classified.
LT. JONES: She's one of our black projects, the human computer. You'll need her expertise when you get to the brain. She may even be able to figure a way to get Kenny off of your blog. And, as an added bonus, she doesn't sleep much.
COMMANDER TOM: We will escort you to the ankle. From there you will have to make it to the knee on your own. There's an outpost with fuel and supplies there. The Confederates control the torso, we control the limbs ... but there will still be dangers as you travel up the leg, so stay sharp.
Jen & I were shuttled back to the Atrocia. Through the window, I could see the sub hovering peacefully in the dark, its navigation lights pulsing slowly. Returning home seemed all but impossible, now.
Though death and darkness gather all about me
My ship be torn apart upon the seas
I shall smell again the fragrance of these islands
And the heaving waves that brought me once to thee
And should I return home safe again to england
I shall watch the english mist roll through the dale
For you are beautiful, I have loved you dearly
More dearly than the spoken word can tell
10:04 AM
, # ,
|
|
|
