|
About
happycreature[at]gmail[dot[com]
[ BLAMBLOG ]
Ed Locke's Grandpa
Happy Creature
Ms. Johnson
PIX
[ PILOTS! ]
Bill Doskoch
72hrchik
BlogTO
Dead Robot
estrojenn
Finn's Space
John Gushue
Rick Mercer
Rocketboom
Simple Splendor
Squiddity
Confessions of a Monkey
[ A-TEAM ]
AllThingsChristie & BWE
Circadian Shift
Daily Dose
Davezilla
Dooce
Jett Superior
Kitty Bukkake
Sugarmama
Tony Pierce
[ TORONTO ROCKS ]
Accordian Guy
Alan Hunt
Andrew Spicer
Angie McKaig
armchair garbageman
Bacon and Eh's
Bored Astronaut
Cellar Dweller
Chip Tijuana
Chromewaves
Clara*
Consolation Champs
Biker Chick
Dave Howard
Day in the Life
Digifox
Easternblog
freckle stof
Help!
Ice Queen
indigoblog
JBWarehouse
Liz Vang
Luminescent
Lunerose
Maria
Marmalade
moot point
Nug
Photojunkie
Pony
Pshaw
Radio Weisblogg
Raymi
Riri's Braindump
RobotJohnny
Rusty Robot
Sally McKay
Sarah Pengelly
Secret Storm
ShanghaiM
Ultrablog
United Bingdom
wainbows
Warren Kinsella
Zoilus
[ ALL IN THE FAMILY ]
Merv!
Dad!
Gillian
Kevin!
[ ORGANIZIZED ]
GTA Bloggers
TorontoComic Jam
[ BEACHCOMBERS ]
Good, Matthew
Good, Jennifer
Ian King
Jeff Merritt
[ GOTHAM CITY ]
Explanada
Lindsayism
My Blog is Poop
Yoon!
[ ST. ELSEWHERE ]
Blogebrity
blogumentary
Brett Lamb: Oz
Bunny McIntosh
Dust My Broom
elanamatic
Go Fug Yourself
Grrrl Meets World
James Bow
Little Lioness
SKSmith
Shelly
Skillzy
Tom Tomorrow
[ 6 O'CLOCK NEWS ]
boing boing
Cursor
Drawn!
Fark
Garlicster
Metafilter
Plastic
The Register
SciFi Daily
Sexblogs
Slashdot
Space.com
The Smoking Gun
Zeropaid
[ CARTOONS ]
Corrigan
Children
of the Atom
Fiona Smyth
Maakies
MacKay
MNFTIU.cc
Secret Lair
Smell of Steve
[ VARIETY HOUR ]
B3TA
Hoogerbrugge
Milk & Cookies
Mumbleboy
Onion
Rathergood
XE
[ RERUNS ]
[ 2005 ]
JANUARY
FEBRUARY
MARCH
APRIL
MAY
JUNE
JULY
AUGUST
[ 2004 ]
MAY
JUNE
JULY
AUGUST
SEPTEMBER
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
[ 2002 ]
[ 2003 ]
|
Sunday, October 24, 2004
KENNY ROGERS: Insertion +04:10:11
When we pulled into Port Iliotibial at Kenny Rogers' knee, the sky was bright and the sea was calm. I stepped out into the fresh, salty air and took a deep breath. I rolled up my pant legs and sat on the pier and soaked my feet in the brine. Little fish nibbled at my toes. A beautiful woman was lying on a towel, getting a tan. A nice man passed and handed me a balloon.
I smiled.
A team of American engineers began repairing the sub. Their supervisor walked over to me. I recognized him and he seemed to recognize me ...
GORD: Looks like your sub is going to need a lot of work, gov'nor. But we'll get 'er done.
ADMIRAL BLAMB: [grinning] That's nice!
GORD: The windows really took a smashin'. We're gonna replace 'em with somethin' stronger. Right, mate?
BLAMB: Go to it!
I noticed that a spider monkey was sitting on my shoulder, except that it had Kenney Rogers' face.
BLAMB: [laughs] I love cute, little monkeys!
GORD: Wait, I've seen you in a movie. That one about those guys who do all that stuff.
BLAMB: [smiling, petting the monkey] That's not me!
GORD: No! Really? I guess not. You must get that a lot, eh mate?
BLAMB: Only at the Dufferin Mall! Gord, it's me, Brett.
GORD: Oy! I didn't recognize you!
BLAMB: I'm not surpised. The last time we met was more than a decade ago. I keep inviting you to my parties, but you never show up.
There were more monkeys now. I gave one of them a peanut.
GORD: I'm coming this year! How 'ave you been? How's Laura? You guys must 'ave kids by now.
BLAMB: We broke up!
GORD: Oh mate, I'm so sorry to hear that! Are you okay?
BLAMB: We broke up in 1995.
GORD: Oh.
BLAMB: Why are you talking with a really bad, fake British accent?
GORD: 'Cause you're not listening to me.
BLAMB: I am listening to you.
GORD: No you're not. I'm trying to tell you something.
BLAMB: Then tell me.
GORD: I can't because you won't listen.
BLAMB: That doesn't make any sense.
GORD: You're the one with the shoes.
I looked down and found that I was wearing the New Balance 765s we stole from the Ice Queen.
BLAMB: You know, this model is being discontinued ...
GORD: You're the one with the shoes!
Out of the corner of my eye I saw something large and I turned and there was an Ice Wraith dive-bombing at me and it struck me ...
And I woke up. I was in the medical bay aboard the submarine. Dr. Chip and the Robot were standing over me.
ROBOT: HE IS AWAKE, DOCTOR.
DR. CHIP: Admiral, can you hear me?
BLAMB: [slurs] The ship? Out of danger?
DR. CHIP: We left the port at the knee about eight hours ago. We received repairs and supplies. We're halfway to the hip where we'll rendezvous with the squadron that will escort us through Confederate territory.
BLAMB: [groggy] Gord got the repairs done? Good for him.
DR. CHIP: Gord? There was no Gord. You must be thinking of the woman who was supervising. GORDINA. Sir, you received a severe concussion. You've been out for a couple of days. Continue to rest.
BLAMB: No, no, I've got to get up. There's ... so much ... to do ...
DR. CHIP: Oh, okay.
BLAMB: [blinks] You're not going to force me to rest?
DR. CHIP: [slaps him on the back] I don't really care!
Dr. Chip chuckled and left the medical bay.
ROBOT: I DO NOT CARE, EITHER. I DO NOT CARE BECAUSE I AM A ROBOT. I AM INCAPABLE OF CARING.
1:15 AM
, # ,
|
|
|
