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Sunday, October 24, 2004
KENNY ROGERS: Insertion +05:02:18
It was late. The crew was in the map room playing cards.
DR. CHIP: Bloody hell. I've got nothin'.
BLAMB: I hate it when singers cover a song and reinterpret the lyrics. I mean, talk about gall.
CAPTAIN CHRISTIE: Give us some examples.
 BLAMB: There's this line in that Jan Arden song, 'Insensitive', that goes, "How do you teach your heart that it's a crime to fall in love again", which, in the context of the song makes perfect sense. But then Leanne Rimes covered it and changed the lyrics to, "How do you teach you heart it's time to fall in love again" which puts a jarring, positive spin on things and that doesn't fit with the rest of the song.
JEN: I hate that. How do you teach your heart that it's a crime to fall in love again?
DR. CHIP: Jab a fork in it.
BLAMB: Then there's that song, 'I Love You' by the Climax Blues Band and there's a lyric that goes, "I was playin around, feeling down, hittin' the beer." and it was covered by some lame-ass, contemporary band for a movie and they changed the lyric to, "I was playin' around, feeling down, hiding my fear." What's the point of that?
LT. ARMCHAIR: Some beer sponsor didn't want their product presented in a negative light.
BLAMB: And don't get me started on how Meatloaf changed "Sex, drugs and rock 'n roll" to "sex and drums and rock 'n roll". Or how all of the music on WKRP reruns has been replaced with canned crap because they couldn't afford the royalties ...
CHRISTIE: Dave says that he hates it when you download a song and the offensive lyrics have been blanked out. He has a copy of 'Shoot the Dog' that has the drug references blanked but the sex references left in.
ROBOT: DAVE? THERE IS NO DAVE PRESENT.
CHRISTIE: Um, my friend Dave said that ... some other time, when I was visiting him in the Green Happytime Swamp.
DR. CHIP: Ok, I'm bored. Let's play 'Truth or Dare'.
ADMIRAL BLAMB: Nobody wants to play that.
LT. ARMCHAIR: We're playing cards.
ROBOT: AND I AM WINNING. DOES THAT BOTHER YOU, DR. CHIP?
DR. CHIP: The game is not over, you gambling gear gasket. Ok, tell the truth: what is the worst thing you've ever done to someone in a high school dating context? We all know that teenagers have hearts filled with darkness. How dark were your hearts?
Dr. Chip started singing:
How dark is your heart?
How dark is your heart?
I really need to learn
cause we’re living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me
CAPTAIN CHRISTIE: The Admiral should answer first since, technically, we are on his blog.
BLAMB: Well, that's an easy one.
I took a flashlight and held it under my face.
BLAMB: It was a dark and stormy night. I was in grade 12. The phone rang. I picked it up. On the other line was a girl who rode the bus with us to art school every day. She asked me what I was doing and I said, "Watching Miami Vice". Then she asked me if I wanted to do something, and I said that I wanted to keep watching Miami Vice. Then she asked if I wanted to watch Miami Vice with her. And I said that I preferred to watch Miami Vice alone.
JEN: Oh, big deal!
DR. CHIP: You've got to have something better than that.
BLAMB: I'm not finished. So, we had to keep riding the bus together. And after that night she started throwing insults and other mean comments my way whenever she had the chance until one day, after she threw an especially snide remark at me I shot back with, "You're just sore 'cause I wouldn't go out with you."
Everyone gasped.
DR. CHIP: Hmmm, maybe you're not such a dopey doormat after all, sir.
BLAMB: She never said a word to me again after that. Years later I bumped into her at a party and she wouldn't go near me, even then. Seems sort of silly, now.
3:10 PM
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