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Friday, January 14, 2005
Mac Attack, Episode 173
It would have been a great week if the Mac cultists hadn't forced us to endure their spoogasms over a bunch of relatively trivial consumer product releases from their beloved corporation. They've now surpassed Saturn owners as the world's most irritating marketing tripe victims.
Here are a few things I noted this week:
Steve
For some reason, Mac users are all on a first-name basis with Steve Jobs. You'd never get this from non-Mac users because we're polytheists and like the ancient Greeks, believe our Jobs are flawed at best but more realistically, complete and utter jerks. The Mac cult's belief in a single, infallible entity is kind of quaint and endearing, but hey, there's no mystical energy field controls my destiny. End of line.
... and Steve Has Peaked
Remember eight years ago when ER was hot and Steve Jobs was on the show with all of those other hot cast members? Now, they've all moved on and Steve is still hanging out on ER cause that's all he can do (is it even on anymore?). Yeah, yeah, I know he was in Donnie Darko, but he didn't really do anything in it, did he? At least PC users can admit that Bill Gates' career started and ended with Sixteen Candles. What about Breakfast Club? What about it? That's Molly, Judd & Freejack's movie!
Caring About Everything
The big news this week: little, cheap Macs and a little cheap ipod for poor people. But think about it, you idiots ... the little cheap Macs aren't so cheap once you realize that you've also gotta buy a monitor and ipods are MP3 players ... big freaking whoopdee crap, you want me to get my knickers in a knot over a little Walkman? I didn't do that in '83, why am I going to now? I guess if that's your definition of "cultural revolution", you'll never be disappointed.
 Taking It
You see crap like this from Mac users all the time, loyalty taken to ridiculous extremes (also note the use of the casual, "Steve"). And that loyalty is fed by the myth that Mac users are "counter-cultural rebels" when they're really the most status-obsessed, consumerist clique in computerdom. Apple is not pre-Unilever Ben & Jerry's, it's The Gap. If you just think of your computer as a "store", great. But if it's more than that, P2P is still where the creative potential lies, not lame-ass istores.
Design
Oh those Macs! They sure are well-designed! The G5 looks just like a big ol' dehumidifier! How did they do that? That's freakin' good design! Will it store my files and keep the basement dry? YAY!
But the week is over and we can get back to the hum-drum without feeling inadequate because our consumer product purchases don't reflect those of the guy in the pic above, who looks like he's experiencing some sort of aneurysm.
5:45 PM
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