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Monday, January 31, 2005
Tonight was our weekly tv night. We started early so we could watch the first episode of DeGrassi with Kevin Smith on it, playing himself.
ALICE: He kind of reminds me of you, Mr. Loaf.
MR. LOAF: Does he?
BLAMB: ZZZZzzzZZZzzzz ....
ALICE: Hey. HEY! Wake up!
BLAMB: Wha? Huh, whuuh?
ALICE: Kevin Smith is on DeGrassi.
QUON'DAR: He's not on very much. You're not missing anything.
MR. LOAF: What's with the sleeping, man?
BLAMB: I think I caught the cold that's going around.
QUON'DAR: This is boring.
BLAMB: Yeah, where's Jason F*cking Mewes? This stunt casting is for people my age and instead they're dragging out this prom crap with the kids. Hey, New Joey Jeremiah is gay. He needs a hat.
MR. LOAF: Here are the previews for next week. Old Joey Jeremiah is going to be on. He's crying.
BLAMB: That looks horrifying. Who the hell wants to see Joey Jeremiah blubber because Caitlin ran off with Kevin Smith?
ALICE: Did Joey Jeremiah become a downer when he got older or was he always a downer and just managed to hide it under the hat?
BLAMB: You know what's a downer? Pat Mastroianni selling Degrassi crap on eBay.
MR. LOAF: Is that true?
BLAMB: The website says it is.
MR. LOAF: If you want to see a downer, watch Degrassi Talks.
ALICE: Isn't watching that how you got off drugs?
MR. LOAF: And how!
QUON'DAR: Ok, ok, Bachelorette is on. Quiet! I need to learn more about these human mating practices.
MR. LOAF: I'm not sure what's going on 'cause we missed a week.
BLAMB: Don't be so passive aggressive, Loaf.
MR. LOAF: That's not a dig at you or anything. I'm just saying ...
ALICE: So, they have to write letters and the best letters get to go on one-on-one dates with Jenn.
BLAMB: ZZzzzzZZZZzzzz ...
QUON'DAR: If you're so tired, why don't you just go to bed?
BLAMB: [groggy] I want to see the roses!
ALICE: She's on her date with Jerry the art dealer. Holy crap! Merv was right, they're totally into each other.
MR. LOAF: Well there's only one girl I will ever love and that was so many years ago ...
BLAMB: [tearing up] No singing.
QUON'DAR: What are you on about?
BLAMB: [blows nose, wipes eyes] Look at them! Look at them!
QUON'DAR: I'm looking.
BLAMB: [soggy faced] It's just so nice, they're so into each other. [sobs]
QUON'DAR: I thought you were supposed to be the cynical one?
ALICE: Are you kidding? He got all sappy during a documentary about Conrad Black because he thought it was soooo nice that Conrad and Barbara Amiel found one another.
BLAMB: [drip, drip] Well, if such a loathsome person can find love, doesn't that mean there's hope for the rest of us?
Silence. Everyone gave me a blank stare.
MR. LOAF: He's right. The Jenn & Jerry moment was kind of nice.
BLAMB: IT WAS FREAKIN' ROMANTIC, MAN! [sobs again]
QUON'DAR: Yeah, and you're an idiot.
MR. LOAF: There's one more date. They have to race to some tall building and the winner gets a date.
QUON'DAR: CRAP! Fab gave up! He was my pick!
ALICE: They get one more chance to make their case before the rose ceremony.
QUON'DAR: Fab wigged out AGAIN!
BLAMB: Maybe he's the smart one. Maybe he know's that Jerry is the guy. You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em ....
MR. LOAF: Know when to walk away and know when to run.
QUON'DAR: I don't want him to be SMART, I want him to WIN!
ALICE: He just bowed out! He's ducking out of the rose ceremony.
BLAMB: See, he has good instincts.
ALICE: It was interesting that Jerry thought that he blew it. That's why she likes him, he's not so full of himself.
QUON'DAR: Ultimately, his weakness will destroy him.
ALICE: Quon'dar, it's not always about being destroyed.
QUON'DAR: Inevitably, it is always about being destroyed.
MR. LOAF: Ok, until next week.
BLAMB: ZZZzzzZZZzzzzz ...
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