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Thursday, August 25, 2005
Music of the Blight
Paris, France
We'd snuck into the Paris Opera and were suddenly confronted. Shadows darted about in the dark before cold hands reached around my throat and squeezed.
BLAMB: [gasps] Doctor Glume! Wait!
Even though I couldn't feel them, I knew that two sharp teeth were poised to sink into my jugular.
BLAMB: It's me ... the blog guy!
The hands dissolved away and Doctor Glume stood in front of us.
 GLUME: Not you! NO! I am not trying internet dating again! I have found my true love, she is here!
SHARKY: Huh?
BLAMB: Oh, a few years ago I helped the doctor try out internet dating. He wasn't quite ready to date at the time. He wound up meeting someone online, but it didn't work out.
GLUME: He wrote all about it on his blog and I was deeply shamed. Now I have a beautiful protege and I am making her a ssssstar. A SSSSSSSTAR!
SHARKY: Protege? You mean the young singer here at the opera?
GLUME: I have been writing the beautiful musssssic for her. I have been guiding her career. I have created a phenomenon, I have created ROBERTA FLACK!
BLAMB: Roberta Flack?
GLUME: Her real name is Melinda Pulminod. I made her change it to something more elegant and commersssssial.
BLAMB: But there's already a singer named Roberta Flack.
GLUME: No there isn't.
BLAMB: Yes there is.
SHARKY: I think he's right.
BLAMB: ... Roberta Flack! She sang The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, Making Love, Set the Night to Music ...
GLUME: I don't care! That Roberta Flack is from a different generation and demographic. It doesn't matter. Nobody remembers old Robert Flack ... but they WILL remember new Roberta Flack ... forever! FOREVER!
BLAMB: You're insane! ... you couldn't find a better name?
GLUME: What's wrong with the name?
BLAMB: I dunno ... Roberta? Why would you pick Roberta?
GLUME: Sssssshut up! Don't try to tear down my work!
BLAMB: There so many better names. What about Peggy Hausmann?
GLUME: GAH!
Glume lunged at me , grabbed my throat and started choking me again.
BLAMB: [gasp!] ACK!
SHARKY: Stop it!
Glume released his grip.
SHARKY: Doctor, we need your help. We want to know about the contents of the Tablet of Hoth. What can you tell us?
Glume drew back into the shadows and regarded us suspiciously.
GLUME: What do you already know about Hoth?
BLAMB: It's very cold and filled with Wampas.
WHACK! Sharky whacked me with his fin.
BLAMB: OW!
GLUME: The tablet's contents are not for you to know. Many people have died trying to learn its secrets.
SHARKY: Someone has been leaving messages for us. Messages that have put us on the trail.
BLAMB: Except we have no idea what we're looking for.
GLUME: Tell me what you know. What are these clues you have been given?
I recounted the tale of the trip to Paris, about Alice and Quon'dar and secret messages.
BLAMB: Does any of that make any sense? How does the tablet fit in?
GLUME: Some say it will guide you to the Ark.
BLAMB: Ark? What ark? Noah's Ark? If anyone thinks I'm going climb some mountain in Turkey, they're sadly mistaken.
SHARKY: He's means the Ark of the Covenant.
BLAMB: Ha ha! That's ridiculous!
SHARKY: You think the tablet will lead us to the Ark?
GLUME: Indeed. Include me in your quesssssst, and I will reveal its contents. The Tablet contains ssssssecrets ... and a warning. A terrifying warning from the FUTURE!
1:13 AM
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