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Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tales from the Condom Tree
Queen & Spadina
The Monthly Toronto Comic Jam @ The Cameron House
The remnants of hurricane Katrina were passing over the city and I was at the Jam drawing a duck when Dave Lapp and Nadia peeked over my shoulder [Nadia's post is here featuring my hand gestures].
NADIA: Is that guy talking to a duck?
BLAMB: Yeah! A guy talking to a duck, whoever heard of such a thing? Funny, eh?
DL: I guess ...
BLAMB: Come on! Ducks are funny! Daffy Duck, Donald Duck, Howard the Duck, Duck & Cover ...
NADIA: It depends on how the duck is presented. Ducks Unlimited isn't funny. You can't just rely on ducks to get cheap laughs.
DL: If you want a cheap laugh, you know what works?
BLAMB: Swiss cheese?
BLAMB: Hmmmm, you might be right. Didn't you guys find some Condom Tree somewhere?
NADIA: In Queen's Park.
DL: It's weird, some trees have one or two condoms beneath them but there's this one tree where there are a bunch of condoms. I counted fifteen once.
BLAMB: Gee, what's the attraction?
DL: I dunno. It's a really big tree.
BLAMB: Maybe there are little condom elves living in it.
NADIA: Making their cookies and their condoms.
DL: The night we visited, we sat on a bench and watched for a while to see if anything would happen ... but we didn't see anything. No elves, trolls or other woodland creatures ... not even a racoon.
BLAMB: I want to go and seek out the Condom Tree now! It sounds like this year's secret swing! But with condoms.
Just then, JamMaster Dave Howard joined us.
DH: You guys are still on about the Condom Tree?
BLAMB: It sounds like such a magical place. What exactly happens under a Condom Tree?
DH: Well, first you do the this ...
NADIA: And you put the thingy in the area ...
DL: And you maneuver your arrangement into the location ...
BLAMB: I don't see it.
D: It's positioning.
DH: It's timing.
NADIA: It's so simple, why do we even need to explain it to you?
BLAMB: So, it's like sex?
DL: What did you think they were doing with the condoms?
BLAMB: I dunno ... elf stuff.
DL: Some of the ones we found were filled with ... er, custard.
ALL: EWWWW ...
DH: This is the one case where 'jizzz' is a a less obscene word than 'custard' ...
BLAMB: But elves MAKE CUSTARD!
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