Blamblog - Brett Lamb's Blog

Monday, January 30, 2006

Soft Shell

The Annex

Shelley was visiting from New Zealand ...

MARIA: And then my mom read my blog and she said, 'You will never get a man'.

BLAMB: Maybe you misheard her and she said that 'you will never get a ham.'

MARIA: Ham?

BLAMB: She wants you to eat more pork.

MARIA: No, she said MAN. I know my mom.

BLAMB: Well, it just goes to show ....

....
....... .. . . ... .. .. . . .

MELBA CRAY: ... Well?

BLAMB: Well?

CRAY: Goes to show you WHAT?

BLAMB: Quit reading what I'm typing.

CRAY: You were about to give her some advice. What did you say?

BLAMB: Nothing.

CRAY: What is this?

BLAMB: I'm doing a post about the time Shelley came and visited from New Zealand.

CRAY: Shelley?

BLAMB: Her.

CRAY: If her name is Shelley, where's her SHELL? How can you be called Shelley if you're not SHELL-y?

BLAMB: Your name is Melba ... where's your toast?

CRAY: Shush, you. Hawwww ha! She thinks she has claws! She thinks she's crustacean!

BLAMB: She's talking. Talking with her hands.

CRAY: No match for me. I'd clip her.

BLAMB: [ groan ]

CRAY: There's another one! Thinks she has claws! Haww ha! Bunch of people with claw-envy!

BLAMB: I don't think she ...

CRAY: I could chop 'em right off!

BLAMB: Don't mis-underestimate the opposable thumb.

CRAY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You monkeys think you're so damn superior cause of your damn thumbs. Look at that picture of you. You don't look too superior to me. You look like a BIG DOOFUS! HAwwww!

BLAMB: Shut up!

CRAY: Dope! HAwwww! Man, you smell.

BLAMB: Smell?

CRAY: Like a teenager.

BLAMB: Go away. I'm trying to write.

CRAY: You've got that horrible mix of bad breath and B.O.

BLAMB: You're not funny.

CRAY: Awww, come on, I'm just joshing ya. Don't be such a simp.

BLAMB: Screw off.

CRAY: You're so soft. Maybe you need a shell?

BLAMB: I have an invisible field of bitterness.

CRAY: Riiiiiggght. Look at you bloggers. What a bunch of geeks. You all think you're so cool.

BLAMB: We are!

CRAY: If Jesus came back to earth, he'd pee in your eyes.

BLAMB: WHAT?

CRAY: That's what your assistant was saying. She complains about you a lot.

BLAMB: Lily Smitson said THAT?

CRAY: Sure. And more.

BLAMB: I don't believe it.

CRAY: I'd be locking my doors at night if I were you ... or get a shell.

11:00 AM , # ,