Blamblog - Brett Lamb's Blog

Friday, July 14, 2006

I've Been to Krypton But I've Never Been to Me

I saw Superman Returns yesterday [ spoilers follow ] and the flick was a complete dud, much worse than the reviews suggest. While watching it, I was overwhelmed by feelings of 'not caring' and by the last half hour, I was tapping my feet from boredom and wishing they'd just wrap the damn thing up. It's that dull. I was actually hoping Richard Pryor would show up; they made Superman 3 twice and mucked it up both times. If they do a sequel, let's hope they skip ahead to Superman 5 (which would also be Superman 6) instead of trying to fix 4 (which would make 5 7).

The film's biggest fault is Lex Luthor's scheme. If you think about it for more than five seconds, it's preposterous ... and call me an idealist, but I believe screenwriters get paid to think about their stories for more than five seconds. Worse, it's not even original; it's a real estate swindle, just like in the first movie except that one was clever (nuke California, create a new coastline and turn worthless desert into real estate) and this one is idiotic (destroy the world by replacing old continents with a new one ... wtf???).

The human drama ain't much better. It's loosely Priscilla, Queen of the Desert with amnesia. Superman is a dad. How does this affect him? Who knows, who cares? The actor playing Superman isn't capable of much beyond a barely passable imitation of Christopher Reeve as Clark Kent. In the pantheon of franchise actor failures, Brandon Routh occupies the space between George Lasenby and Paul McGann. If there's a sequel, they might consider calling Tom Welling's agent.

The rest of the cast does a fair job, but only the actors playing the Whites, uncle & nephew, approach anything one might consider 'acting'. The kid isn't too bad, but seems like he'd be more at home in The Sixth Sense than Superman. As for all of the geek references thrown in (such as a shot pulled from the cover of the first Superman comic) ... well, they're not much fun when the movie's not fun.

Go see Brick instead.

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