Blamblog - Brett Lamb's Blog

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Nature's Awesome-tastical Fury Presents ...

Peter MacKay the Polar Bear was wandering alone in the wilderness.

MACKAY: [ singing ] Sun's up for 24 hours, I got seal on the griddle ... life ain't nuthin' but a funny, funny riddle! Thank god I'm a tundra boy!

Just then, he noticed a stranger.

MACKAY: Whoa? Who be that purdy little thang?

STRONACH: Peter MacKay, why the hell are you wandering in the fucking wilderness?

MACKAY: Why if it ain't little Miss Belinda Stronach the Giraffe! Shucks!

STRONACH: You just sit out here all day, dickin' around?

MACKAY: What's a bear to do, doll?

STRONACH: Buddy, times are changing, politics are changing, music's changing. Are you happy living near-extinction? Global warming is going to fry your ass.

MACKAY: The simple life is the only life I know.

STRONACH: Listen, I'm so tall that I can see into the future and there are two roads ahead of you. One leads to getting fucked by reality, the other leads to certain glory.

MACKAY: Them sure is some harsh language comin' from such a purdy, little ...

STRONACH: Are you fucking listening to me?

MACKAY: [ shamed ] I'm listening.

STRONACH: I've got friends. You should come talk to them.

MACKAY: Friends?

STRONACH: Yeah ... people who have something in common with you: fear of the future.

MACKAY: I'm a bear, I'm not afraid of anything! ROAR!

STRONACH: Yeah, yeah; you're a big strong bear. But how much fish did you catch today?

MACKAY: Not much.

STRONACH: And without fish, you're going to get weaker.

MACKAY: I reckon that's a fact.

STRONACH: You want to keep on being a big, tough, good-looking bear, right?

MACKAY: You think I'm good-looking?

STRONACH: You're fucking hot.

MACKAY: So are you.

STRONACH: I'm rich, too.

MACKAY: Huzzah!

Previously:
World's Scariest Animal Relationships: Brad & Jenn

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