Blamblog - Brett Lamb's Blog

Monday, January 30, 2006

Yacht Rock 6

New shows are up at Channel101. The new Yacht Rock takes an historical turn (it's funnier if you watch the first episode again as a refresher) and has a great ending.

Also funny are this month's Wastelander and McCourt's in Session. Classroom doesn't quite make it and 101: The Musical is lame as ever. The Wright Stuff was cancelled, so we should be grateful for small blessings ...

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Fun With Words

Brush up on your vocabulary:

Minoritory: The current state of uncertainty in Canadian politics. It’s a combination of minority and purgatory, with the added bonus that purgatory ends in Tory.

[ The Hollywood North Report ]

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Soft Shell

The Annex

Shelley was visiting from New Zealand ...

MARIA: And then my mom read my blog and she said, 'You will never get a man'.

BLAMB: Maybe you misheard her and she said that 'you will never get a ham.'

MARIA: Ham?

BLAMB: She wants you to eat more pork.

MARIA: No, she said MAN. I know my mom.

BLAMB: Well, it just goes to show ....

....
....... .. . . ... .. .. . . .

MELBA CRAY: ... Well?

BLAMB: Well?

CRAY: Goes to show you WHAT?

BLAMB: Quit reading what I'm typing.

CRAY: You were about to give her some advice. What did you say?

BLAMB: Nothing.

CRAY: What is this?

BLAMB: I'm doing a post about the time Shelley came and visited from New Zealand.

CRAY: Shelley?

BLAMB: Her.

CRAY: If her name is Shelley, where's her SHELL? How can you be called Shelley if you're not SHELL-y?

BLAMB: Your name is Melba ... where's your toast?

CRAY: Shush, you. Hawwww ha! She thinks she has claws! She thinks she's crustacean!

BLAMB: She's talking. Talking with her hands.

CRAY: No match for me. I'd clip her.

BLAMB: [ groan ]

CRAY: There's another one! Thinks she has claws! Haww ha! Bunch of people with claw-envy!

BLAMB: I don't think she ...

CRAY: I could chop 'em right off!

BLAMB: Don't mis-underestimate the opposable thumb.

CRAY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You monkeys think you're so damn superior cause of your damn thumbs. Look at that picture of you. You don't look too superior to me. You look like a BIG DOOFUS! HAwwww!

BLAMB: Shut up!

CRAY: Dope! HAwwww! Man, you smell.

BLAMB: Smell?

CRAY: Like a teenager.

BLAMB: Go away. I'm trying to write.

CRAY: You've got that horrible mix of bad breath and B.O.

BLAMB: You're not funny.

CRAY: Awww, come on, I'm just joshing ya. Don't be such a simp.

BLAMB: Screw off.

CRAY: You're so soft. Maybe you need a shell?

BLAMB: I have an invisible field of bitterness.

CRAY: Riiiiiggght. Look at you bloggers. What a bunch of geeks. You all think you're so cool.

BLAMB: We are!

CRAY: If Jesus came back to earth, he'd pee in your eyes.

BLAMB: WHAT?

CRAY: That's what your assistant was saying. She complains about you a lot.

BLAMB: Lily Smitson said THAT?

CRAY: Sure. And more.

BLAMB: I don't believe it.

CRAY: I'd be locking my doors at night if I were you ... or get a shell.

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Saturday, January 28, 2006
Weekend Blogging

... continues on the main page.

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Friday, January 27, 2006
Bad Ass of the Week

Via the Spacing Wire is this set [taken by inconduit ] of photos of a motorist freaking out on a bike courier in Kensington Market after she returned his filth:

Then with some "encouraging" from some helpfull bystanders he got in his car and drove away...or so I thought! People were coming up to me and saying that I should have him charged but at that point I just figured I had made my anti-littering point and and eye for and eye with the coffee shower, I mean I did throw that patty right. But just as I was getting on my bike to ride home he came running back and thats when the photos start.

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Duff Dog

Share Video at DropShots.com

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Thursday, January 26, 2006
The 80s High School Video Show

The Easter Bunny Special

Are you ready for the 80s? 'Cause they're ready for you!

Here now, for your viewing pleasure, is one of our high school videos:

The Easter Bunny Special
[ .wmv, 16Mb, 7 min 30 sec ]

In this show, the Easter Bunny and his happy, floppy ears teaches everybody about the spirit of Easter. I play the role of the Bunny and Brad Ross has a cameo at the end. This was shot in the spring of 1987 when I was 18 years old.

Special thanks goes out to Brother Lou who gave me the wee box that converts the analog video to digital for Xmas. There's lots more to come ... I have hours and hours of this crap ... but this is a good one to start on! Enjoy!

btw, because of bandwith this file will only be available until Sunday night. If you want to view it at a later date, click and save.

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Frosty!

The windows are covered in frost, but this sandwich was filled with loving warmth.

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006
It's an Ad, Ad World

Tony has two posts about how being laid off and sticking ads on his blog worked out better than he'd ever hoped.

Since putting some ads on my main page blog and the strip pages, I've been tempted to put ads on this page because they would likely generate some results. As Tony points out, blog ads tend to be reasonable because they're tailored to your content and are often the sort of sites you'd link to anyways (which is true of the ads on my main page, so far).

But, I've always said this page would remain ad-free and I'm stickin' to my guns. I like having a non-commerical space where I can goof off and muck around and ads would shift my focus towards driving traffic. I'll reserve that for my main page. Have I mentioned my main page? It's getting better every day ...

Speaking of ads, Kevin likes beer!

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Unidentified

Two nights ago when I was walking home from the gym, I noticed two aircraft that looked like they were about to collide but then the larger one pulled away. The crossed the sky together (relative size and route pictured above) from west to east, the smaller one moving in a straight line and the larger one, while travelling with it, sort of bobbed and weaved around, pulling ahead, falling behind and moving from side to side. About 30 seconds after they passed directly overhead, I heard the faint jet sound.

Since it's not something you often see, I was wondering if anyone could describe what the two jets might have been doing together like that.

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Today's the Day!

I turned 37 today. How the heck did that happen? Well, if you look at the pics above, you can see that first I was a kid, then I grew into a teenager, then I went off to school and became an adult. Then all my hair fell out. It's the cycle of life!

Last year was BUSY: new girlfriend, I became a fitness instructor and had lots of new projects ... so I checked around and found my horoscope advises time to recharge:

Constant socializing, crowds, or a whirling dervish work schedule is no good for you. You must take some time every day to put your impressions and ideas into some sort of cohesive order. This cannot happen in a noisy disruptive environment. You benefit from privacy, silence, and a sense of safety. You’re a true original that refuses to play ball according to the same old accepted rules - rules are for breaking as far as you’re concerned.

You know what I'd really benefit from? A GIANT WAD OF CASH!

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Full Speed Ahead

If you haven't been visiting my main page, it's starting to hit its stride! w00t!

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Monday, January 23, 2006
PHEW!

It was scary for a few days leading up to the election with predictions of a Conservative majority almost sounding credible, but we lucked out with what is probably the best possible result.

We spent the evening watching the results unfold at the apartment of a Quebec separatist and our host was disappointed that the Conservatives didn't win a majority because he reckoned that a Conservative government would demonstrate the gulf between Quebec and the rest of Canada and encourage support for separatism. Instead, the Conservatives actually landed seats in the province and a racist "shock jock" was elected as an independent; perhaps the 'difference' is overstated, eh?

James has a good list of election highlights and disappointments. I agree with his complaint about the CBC and add that they scrolled through the results for the same ridings over and over again, forcing us to look up our riding results on the internet.

Here are a few of mine:

Most hopeful hope: that a recount will send Tony Clement back to obscurity and keep him from bothering people with his neo-conman nonsense.

Most punishing blog beating: Sam Bulte takes it from the bloggers and loses her seat.

Creepiest sneak: Conservative David Sweet covered up his role as president of the sexist Promise Keepers group and won a seat.

Most shocking shock: photo in the weekend Globe revealed Stephen Harper's father's sharp haircut when he was Stephen's age.

Most Nader-like pointless distraction for idealistic people who really should know better: The Green Party.

Least deserving recipient of a disproportionate amount of coverage: Belinda Stronach

In other news, if you're still itchin' to do some voting, it's time again to vote at the Bloggies.

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Sunday, January 22, 2006
Sharky's Birthday Smash

Sharky saw Joey's accordion and wanted to play it. Amber said he sounded like he was a little drunk. Sharky said that he felt great.

Sharky challenged Zack to a debate about politics. Zack didnt' bite. Maria told Sharky that he was kind of hot.

Bob and Janet noticed that he was slurring his speech.

Sharky asked Medlab & Vanessa if they like to party. They said they did.

Jamie caught the action on camera.

Sharky asked Neil if he had anything to drink. Charlene let him have a gulp.

Sharky told Mike and Karen that he was ready to EXPLODE!

He started pilfering beer from other people and hit on Eva, who screamed, "No teeth! No Teeth!"

Sharky danced and everything went smeary. The end was predictable.

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Friday, January 20, 2006
Love in a Time of Multinational Media Consolidation

Queen Street West

I was walking home ...

SHARKY: Hey, man!

BLAMB: Hi, Mr. McFinn. Were you at the Drake?

SHARKY: Yeah. I was at that Sam Bulte fundraiser tryin' to get some backscratch.

BLAMB: You spent $250 on a plate of food?

SHARKY: A paltry tip for access. I've got multinational corporate clients in entertainment, they've got interests and it's my job to promote their interests. But what a freakin' waste of $250.

BLAMB: You didn't get face time?

SHARKY: I talked her ear off. But what does it matter? She's probably getting the boot, no thanks to you freakin' pro-user blog zealots.

BLAMB: Yeah, blame the bloggers.

SHARKY: That's what I'm doing.

BLAMB: What about Bulte? After Gomery, isn't it her responsibility to keep her ethics in check? Wasn't it important to run a squeaky-clean campaign?

SHARKY: Gomery, Gomery, Gomery. You sound like my momma fish.

BLAMB: Well ...

SHARKY: HEY! Hey, look! There's two of my kids!

BLAMB: Kids?

SHARKY: Clients! On the bus shelter! Stu & Colleen! Those two! They crack me up!

BLAMB: Who the hell are Stu & Colleen?

SHARKY: Great kids, so damn funny! Stuart's a cracker. And Colleen ... welll, she keeps him on his toes, she sure does.

BLAMB: Are they siblings? They sort of have the same smile.

SHARKY: I think she looks like that chick on Logan's Run.

BLAMB: Jenny Agutter?

SHARKY: Yeah, her.

BLAMB: That's a stretch.

SHARKY: Whatever, I've never really met 'em. My assistant, Duane, handles them.

BLAMB: You have a new assistant?

SHAKRY: I don't have time for the C-list talent. I was at a dinner with Jennifer Anniston the other night, eh? Nice girl. I was talking with her people ... tried to convince them to drop the whole Vince Vaughn thing.

BLAMB: Drop it?

SHARKY: It's not believable. It's better than Tom & Katie, but still ... no sparkle. Jenn needs to sparkle. Sparkle like a minty diamond.

BLAMB: Huh? Are Stu & Colleen an item, like the Body Break couple?

SHARKY: You said they were brother and sister!

BLAMB: I asked if they were brother and sister.

SHARKY: Well, if they are, it's freakin' INCEST!

BLAMB: But you don't even know if they're a couple!

SHARKY: They have sort of a genetically-incoherent look about them, eh? Like the kid in Deliverance. And she likes country music, right? Fucking inbreds. That's horrifying.

BLAMB: You don't know that.

SHARKY: Look at them and tell me I'm wrong.

BLAMB: You're wrong.

SHARKY: Maybe I am, but bad love is better than no love at all!

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Thursday, January 19, 2006
Polish

I gave the FoodNews website its first polish. More to come ...

Also, I'm updating my Pro Blog regularly, now.

And on Ms. Johnson: the winter that wasn't!

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Get Ready 4 Jesus!

It's funny that Frank Zappa predicted that the US would become a fascist theocracy in that 1986 CNN video [ via Christie ] ... because, of course, now it is one. I know that 'cause I watched the Red State Updates.

Just think, we can have the same sort of fun here if the polls hold and Harper wins a majority. Can you imagine Harper and his ministers running up deficits and issuing Taliban-like religious edicts? Soon you won't have to. Can you imagine the joy of 80-something men across the nation? Can you imagine a Walkerton at the federal level?

I'd rather imagine playing classic C64 games in my browser. That'll take the pain away ...

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We Were Facing Certain Doom But Singing Made It OK

North ...

BOB: There's got to be a morning after.

MIKE: If we can hold on through the night.

BLAMB: We have a chance to find the sunshine.

AMBER: Let's keep on looking for the light.

BOB: We're lost.

BLAMB: I think this is where Bigfoot lives.

MIKE: It's just a boulder.

BLAMB: Maybe he takes shelter under the overhang.

MIKE: There aren't any big footprints in the snow.

BLAMB: [ pointing ] What's that?

MIKE: Moose poop.

BLAMB: It looks like Bigfoot poop. Maybe this is his outhouse.

BOB: Maybe it's Yeti poop.

AMBER: The Yeti lives in Tibet.

MIKE: We're not lost.

BLAMB: Being lost is okay, I just don't want to be kidnapped by a family of Bigfoots.

AMBER: We're lost.

BOB: What?

AMBER: The trail just stops at this big cliff.

BLAMB: It's wilderness & Bigfoots as far as you can see in every direction.

MIKE: Let's check the map.

BLAMB: Map?

BOB: We're lost.

BLAMB: Maybe we can jump off the cliff and try and pick up the trail at the bottom.

AMBER: Jump?

BLAMB: The snow will break our fall!

MIKE: There could be a dozen tiny tree stumps under that snow ... they'd break a lot more than your fall.

BLAMB: Well, what are we going to do?

AMBER: We can just follow our trail back.

BOB: So cold, so cold ... we'll never make it.

AMBER: We'll make it.

BLAMB: All we have to do it sing!

AMBER: There's got to be a morning after.

MIKE: We're moving closer to the shore.

BLAMB: I know Bigfoot will help us get there by tomorrow ... c'mon Bob ...

BOB: We won't be searching anymore!

ALL: YAY!

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Happy Creature 3.0

There's a new Happy Creature strip posted ... not only the first of the year, the first of the overhauled design. In the coming weeks, the redrawn versions of the other characters will be introduced.

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Soup & Breasts & Wrath

I know that the conversation Maria posted is only an approximation because there are no cuss words:

Maria: Oh, it's not the same when they're your own. I always want to touch other women's boobs, but I’m not allowed to. I look at them but also try to not stare at them.

Neighbour: Same here.

Also on the blogs:

Rannie is trying to raise $10,000 selling limited edition prints. Wow, a Photojunkie limited edition ... that's gotta be worth some of your hard-earned cash.

The Iraq Invasion Text Adventure! [ via Ice Queen ] They should do an NSA operative edition.

Andrew Coyne isn't afraid of no deficit (anymore) and other eleciton items at Andrew Spicer. Does this mean that Harper wants to be a tax(cut) and spend conservative like Bush? Holy crap, what was all that debt and deficit crap all about ten years ago:

Paul Martin was campaigning on this issue yesterday at the Vancouver Board of Trade. Apparently they used to have a national debt clock which they have now put into storage. I guess watching the national debt shrink (albeit slowly in absolute terms) was pretty boring to them. I'm a fan, however.

And finally, at Accordion Guy: THE WRATH OF BLOGGERS. Yes, yes, very good wrath.

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Ms. Johnson: Ianno

There's a new strip on my Ms. Johnson page. I'm posting them there from now on because I couldn't figure out a way to make them look good on the black background. Plus, ads.

Feel free to repost on your own site, just don't leech bandwidth and send a link back. You can also scroll down and directly compare the old-style strip with the new look.

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It's Back

As Nadia confirms, the Secret Swing is back in action.

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Rent

FOR RENT signs are sprouting across Toronto like dandelions and it makes me wonder: is the condo boom near an end? Over at PAVED, Marc considers the recent Toronto Life article which suggests that there's no end in sight -- such declarations being a certain symptom of irrational exuberance.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2006
DRAWN!

w00t! I'm featured on DRAWN! today. Someone left a nice comment about the Ed Locke's Grandpa Show:

And it's weird because i've showed the comics to some of my friends and they just find it weird not funny .... hmmm. hehe.

That reminds me that I have a gazillion Ed Locke strips that have never been posted, gotta get on that. DRAWN! is the best place for people who like to draw (comics, illustrations ... anything) on the internet.

btw, I'm cross-posting relevant items to my main-page work blog in an effort to give the thing a kick start.

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Fragile Sandwich

One time when I was a kid the neighbour's dog found a tiny, baby sandwich out in the field and the neighbour tried to nurse it back to health but it died.

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January 24th

Marc emailed a reminder that January 24 is, according to the press releases, the most depressing day of the year. And considering the expected post-election hangover, they might be right.

The lack of snow certainly doesn't help.

The 24th is also my birthday. We're going bowling on the weekend if I can get motivated enough to get organized ... oh, the bowling ...

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Monday, January 16, 2006
Spin

If you're like Adina and you go to my gym, tonight I started leading the afternoon indoor cycling class (aka spinning) and will be leading it every Monday from now on. If you need a kickstart to your Monday, you know where to go ...

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Shelley in Canada

On Friday night we met up with Shelley who is visiting Eva from New Zealand. Maria has her take on the evening here (with pix!). Eva also has pictures. My side of the story will come when I get the photos I took ...

Also there: Robot Johnny, Circadian Shift, Apartment 606 & Geek.Ent.

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What's New

And we're back ...

I've been running with a white backdrop for years and yeah, it's clean, it's easy-to-read but it's also what nearly everyone is using, so I've switched to black. It sets a different tone and I'm hoping it'll steer things in a different direction for a bit. The old blog is dead ... long live the new blog!

Warren listed last year's blog on his Top Ten Blogs of 2005 list. I'm no Paul Wells, but I know a good poop joke when I see one. Kinsella also has a great read about the media after the election ... which I would link to if he had permalinks ... which he doesn't.

Stats!
I've got stats again! After the annoying WebStats4U pop-up annoyance, I deleted the stats counter and blogged blind for over a month. I'm now using StatCounter, the service Jen recommended and so far, so good. You can scroll down and see my stats any time you want, they're public.

BrettLamb.com
I have also started to cobble together my long-delayed work blog. It's a place for me to write about professional-related activites, post reviews and promote events. Last year I set up a prototype Hot Docs festival blog (I'm moving those posts to the new page) and enjoyed having the second site; the new page is expanding on what happened there. I'm using text ads on that page to try and offset some of my hosting fees ... but this page shall remain ad-free forever!

Lots on the way: I'm going to try and figure out a way to post the old archives runninng back to 2002. And coming up soon: World's Scariest Animal Relationships 2: Arctic Extreme! It's all so bloody exciting.

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Get Him

London, Ontario

BLAMB: Dickson is trying to get to the special secret place to get the special stuff. We've got to stop him.

DICKSON: I'm going to win and get the special stuff!

DICKSON: This drink will help.

ARTHUR: He's going to win! We'd better call the police.

BLAMB: I will call them on my cellular telephone!

DISPATCH: CALLING ALL CARS! CALLING ALL CARS! STOP DICKSON! SHOOT HIM WITH YOUR SONIC RAY BEAMS!

DICKSON: I need to find the special place before I get caught.

His cellular telephone rings.

BLAMB: Hello. Is this Dickson?

DICKSON: Yeah.

BLAMB: We're going to stop you! You'll never get to the mall where they keep the special stuff.

DICKSON: THE MALL!

BLAMB:That is what I just said.

DICKSON: Now I know where the secret special stuff is!

BLAMB: What?

DICKSON: You told me!

BLAMB: NO!

DICKSON: Ha ha!

BLAMB: You won't be laughing when the police arrest you and put you into jail!

DICKSON hangs up.